The Power of a Supporting Husband

Having been married for 9 years now, and after observing several marriages over the years, there are a few things that I strive to do as a husband. I guess, let me start by saying that I have been nowhere near the perfect husband. I have had successes and I have had failures. I have encouraged and discouraged my wife over the years. And I have seen marriages where the men do acts of amazing love, and I have been unfortunate to have seen some men crush their wives. (If I was honest, I would have to say that there have been times where I have been guilty of it too.) So as I write, I'm writing as a husband that strives to be a strong man of God, and as a man that wants to help his wife become the strongest she can be. That means being a cheerleader, and an advisor, and a wall to bounce things off of, and shoulder to cry on, and one to gently motivate in the right direction. It's not easy. Sometimes things just don't fit together. Marriage is about two becoming one... Two people, two wills, two sets of ideas becoming one. It takes time and effort.

Ephesians 5:25-29 says:
For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

This is like the husband's commission. It has a pretty tall order to it. Husbands are supposed to lay down their lives for their wives.... to consider their needs before their own. It says that as husbands we are supposed to do what Jesus did. He was willing to die for the church (His bride).

The passage also notes that Jesus prepares His bride by the washing in God's Word. As a husband, I do take some responsibility for helping my wife in all that she wants to learn about theologically. We both sort of pushed through the Bible School thing. It was tough, but I know that both of us are better for it now.

Jesus also sent the Holy Spirit to empower and comfort His church when He went back to heaven. As a husband, I see it partly as my role to be a comfort to my wife, and to empower her to do what God has for her. When I see a talent, or a desire to try something new, I encourage her to the best that I can. I have spent a lot of time listening to ideas she has. I do all that I can to help her accomplish what it is that she wants to do. I am her biggest cheerleader (no, I don't dress up in the little uniform :) )

When it comes to comforting her, I keep my shoulder there as one that she can drench with tears, or just snuggle into. Some suggest that when it comes to issues and feelings, women feel things much more deeply. Imagine a rock. If you put it on the back of a rhinoceros, it would barely feel it (like most men). If you take the same rock and put it on a butterfly, it will crush it (much like many women). I try to be understanding to the things that my wife thinks and feels. I admit though, that sometimes I don't always understand why she feels that way she does. Sometimes, it is best to just listen, and not try to solve the problem.

As my pastor would say, "Happy wife, happy life." I fully agree. If happy is defined as being close to God, and feeling safe and secure in life, then if my wife is happy, many other things fall into place.

Three words that i think men forget once they are married are love, honour and cherish. People that renew their vows are amazing! All married people should do that. To love someone is not about a fuzzy feeling you get when they are around. It is an act of the will. I do get that fuzzy feeling with my wife, but I cannot rely on that to tell me if I love her. I love her because I choose to. To honour her is to treat her with respect, and to put her before myself. I need to learn sometimes to have more patience, and to treat her like my queen. And to cherish means to value something very highly. Sometimes I have not valued the woman that God had for me. God hand picked her for me, and had plans for me to accomplish with her. We are working together.

In the end all of this can be summarized in being selfless. I can give to her, and love her and encourage her, and not expect anything in return. But she loves me too, and so she tries to do all of the stuff I have been talking about for me as well.

Marriage is for a long time.... true marriage. I just pray that more men step up and take the responsibility that they should with the selfless love of a husband. They need to support their wives. They need to bring the best out of their wives until death do them part....